By Masha If there’s one thing about me, it’s that I love a good campy band. Sure, I like serious stuff, but that can’t be all I listen to all the time— I need my bands that are singing about piracy, dressed in giant owl costumes, coveting disco songs with sick riffs.
My recent classic horror movie obsession has been much the same; I’ve loved the true classics of suspense and horror like The Shining and Psycho, but sometimes you need to watch The Slumber Party Massacre as a palate cleanser (so to speak).
Getting to listen to Wednesday 13’s new album Mid Death Crisis couldn’t have come at a better time for me. In between more somber and serious releases, we have an album that feels like the sonic version of curling up to watch Elvira’s Movie Macabre, a B-list horror special where you can enjoy blood, guts, and good old-fashioned scares. Nothing there is going to make you think too hard or reflect on the larger meaning of life or the human condition, but sometimes, that’s what you need. It’s a “brain empty, no thoughts” good time.
The album opens with an eerie, short intro in “There’s No Such Thing As Monsters”, which recalls the hosted-horror-movie intros that exist on Wednesday 13’s other albums. This is the only offering of one on this album, but it packs a punch, going from a static-y, whispered track into the fast-paced and heavy “Decease and Desist”. These two tracks serve as the perfect juxtaposed introduction to the album: telling up there’s no such thing as monsters, before launching into what sorts of monsters populate the horror-fantasy world of Wednesday 13.
The descent into horror tropes continues with devil worship with “When the Devil Commands”, which evokes the same sort of pageantry as another song of the great camp bands, “Devil is a Loser” by Lordi. Our throughline of the album— horrible things happening to someone you despise— starts in the next song “Rotting Away”, opening with the tone-setting “to say that I hate you, that would be too fucking nice”. This sets the tone for the rest of the songs on this subject, as the song goes through the fantasy of burying this despised person. “No Apologies” continues in this vein, along with being a glammy, almost danceable song with an excellent feature from Taime Downe of the glam rock band “Faster Pussycat”.
A favourite of mine is “Decapitation”, simply for the pure absurdity— the line “your head is just so big and round/I want to see that motherfucker on the ground” genuinely made me laugh out loud the first time I heard it.
“In Misery” is a banger of a lead single (that I continue to have stuck in my head), continuing on with the theme of being miserable with someone you despise, perhaps after you realise how much you want to bury them. “Blood Storm” and “Xanaxstasy” launch is right back into camp territory, into a shower of blood and the joys of finding yourself in prescription drugs.
The throughline of horrible things happening to the person you despise continues with “I Hurt You”, which is about exactly what the title says.
“My Funeral” is a macabre daydream about what happens after one’s mid-death crisis, before the bombastic finale of “Sick and Violent”. It ties together the horror and the theme of someone you despise into one, with big guitars and high glam, a fast-paced and fun end to a fast-paced and fun album.
Mid Death Crisis is a hard-rocking, horror-movie-esque romp from the perspective of the B-list monster. It doesn’t stop or slow down, retaining that heavy energy from start to finish. Even when songs are about what could be considered a hard subject, they never lose their campiness. It slots in perfection with the rest of Wednesday 13’s discography, continuing their B-list monster-movie horror legacy. There’s no need to turn your brain on for this one— just sit back, relax, and let Wednesday 13 take you through a campy horror hellscape.